Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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