I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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