Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
