dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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