he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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