At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
