My first STD was from a foam party
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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