nut hugger
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
