After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
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