i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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