We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
