i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
