The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
