goodnight i made you a song goodbye
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
