i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
