So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
