I think my fart just growled at me.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
