He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So squirting runs in the family.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
