so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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