I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
