just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
