You can't special order awesome
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
3 2 1 whiskey
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
