I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
