He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You need Xanax blowdarts
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
be right there i have to get my cape
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
