the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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