My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
