so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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