3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
