I want to have your abortion
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
