If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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