So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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