I haven't been this sober since birth.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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