I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
