I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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