I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
