Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
