if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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