My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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