i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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