She's like a pop up book from hell.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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