the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
