I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
