Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
