Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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