"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
