three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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