Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
one might say we're banned from that church
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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