Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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