please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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