she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
