you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
