nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
