Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Operation Purity has been aborted
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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