Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
