The maid of honor just puked.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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